Why Nature is a Jerk

admin   October 19, 2016   No Comments on Why Nature is a Jerk



Do you have someone in your life who is at one with nature?  You know who I’m talking about.  The one who would choose camping over a weekend at a fancy hotel?


And aren’t they adorable? And when I say adorable, I mean, not really.


There has always been a part of me that has wanted to be that person who could hiking and enjoy the wonderment of the earth.   It all sounds pretty good, except for the hiking part. I mean if we’re going to be totally honest, I’m probably better suited in a Starbucks with a faint hint of jazz in the background.   Ya, I’m that girl. I consider myself to be pretty frappacino fabulous.


That’s why it was interesting when I invited my friend to go for a hike this weekend.  Yes, it was my idea.   In my defence, I really love Autumn. It’s not too cold, it’s not too hot.  The colours are beautiful.   Oh and leggings.  I love leggings.  It’s a sweet little comfortable world where pants don’t exist.  And dammit, that’s a world that I want to live in.


So my girlfriend and I embarked on our hike.  Full disclosure.  I was already cranky by the time we even entered the parking lot.  I took a wrong turn, my GPS was starting to take a tone with me, and the first parking lot was full. Ugh. So we ended up where we ended up.  Oh and then just as I found a port-0-potty (please kill me) and we were about to get going, we realized we had to pay for a parking stub, and then walk it back to my car.  But then finally, off we went.


There was a pretty good argument to be made that the adventure had already been fulfilled, but intellectually speaking, I knew I had to continue.

And I couldn’t risk getting the stink eye from my friend. I have my pride.  So after taking a quick look at a community map, it became apparent that there was quite a labyrinth of trails in the area.   Everything looked pretty circular so I figured it meant that all roads would lead back to the parking lot.  Well wasn’t I adorable in my naivete.


The hike started beautifully.  Gorgeous red and orange leaves covered the ground.  A flicker of sun periodically peaking through the trees, making for the perfect lighting.  And if you know me, I’m all about good lighting.

We took a couple of pictures.  Walked by a stunning waterfall that made for a picturesque backdrop.  And then we started walking uphill.  And kept walking uphill.  And then we walked uphill some more.  We finally came across a clearing that revealed another beautiful view.  Then we walked uphill some more.  See where I’m going with this?


Besides the nature part, these trails were also full of people. I was shocked that so many people did this on a regular basis.

There were families.  My favourite was the kid who was screaming “ This is boring, when are we going to get there?”  His mother didn’t see me, but I was nodding in agreement behind that little whiner.

The trails were also full of young couples in love.  Honestly, on paper, this is a brilliant idea.  Unless you have to walk uphill a lot and you’re not outdoorsy.  If that sounds anything like you, maybe a movie is your thing for a first date.



As our hike continued it became apparent to me , that I didn’t know where the hell we were. I don’t like to be lost. I pride myself on being directionally gifted.    If  you use Costco as your landmark you’ll never get lost in any city. True story.

We managed to ask a nice family where we were and they invited us to follow them. They would lead us to the promised land. And they did.


What started as a one hour relaxing stroll, turned into a two plus hour hike. I was annoyed. My feet hurt….and I knew my ass would be punished in the morning for all the uphill walking.


Here is the point of the story. These are the moments in life when you really find out what you’re made of.


I learned that I would make a terrible partner on The Amazing Race. Perhaps my adventurous spirit would best be served around a cappuccino machine and a bulk food aisle.


If I need to see nature, I’ll google it.  Now where are my leggings?